Nope, still don’t own
Need is another simple concept right? Wrong. It’s too specific, it says that
you can need anything from a mood to something. What it leaves out is that you
can need a person too. That a person can affect your life so much that you
truly need them to feel whole. And she hated that. Need was a misleading
concept because she needed someone. Desperately. And she couldn’t have it. Or
She dragged her feet across the camp in an attempt to slow down her progress. She knew that if she kept this pace up she’d be late for class and right now she didn’t care. Why should she when everyone probably hated her right now anyway? She felt tears spring to her eyes at the thought but immediately blinked them away, she’d spent far too much time crying her heart out to Caitlyn last night and she didn’t want to start in on the crying right now. She couldn’t. Not when she was about to face him of all people.
Her heart jumped painfully as she thought of him, about everything that had happened yesterday, about how much she’d hurt him. The pain in his eyes, the look on his face, it had haunted her all night. Every time her eyes had dried and tried to close his face would appear, looking so broken and betrayed and the crying would start all over again. Thank god she’d had Caitlyn with her or last night would have been completely unbearable.
Mitchie let herself sigh at that, she didn’t deserve to have Caitlyn as a friend after what she’d done, but Caitlyn had known about the lie beforehand and had stuck by her throughout the night. She was sure that she’d ruined Caitlyn’s shirt with tears, but her friend had stayed by her side until almost three am, letting her cry, talk, and then cry some more.
The thought almost brought a smile to Mitchie’s face but the good feelings evaporated as she stopped moving her feet and looked around. She was there, at the cabin, and oh was she tempted to start running away right then and there. She couldn’t go in there and face him, not after seeing the look in his eyes, not after hearing him say that he didn’t care. No she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. All she had to do was back away before anyone noticed her and then she could run for the hills. She wouldn’t have to see Shane or anyone else. All would be well.
Except there was one problem with that plan; Caitlyn. Her friend had practically threatened her with bodily harm if she didn’t come to class today. ‘You have to face them all sometime. Especially him. Don’t let him beat you down Mitchie.’ The words rang through her head and Mitchie groaned, of course Caitlyn was right. But that didn’t mean that she had to like it. She didn’t want to do it, but if she didn’t things would only get worse, so up the steps she went. She paused outside of the door, took a breath and quickly headed inside; the quicker she got through this the better.
Mitchie’s eyes first searched for Caitlyn who was immediately smiling at her and giving her a nod of encouragement. She almost smiled back but then she saw the looks everyone else was giving her, glares from some, disbelief in others. And then there was Tess Tyler who was staring at her as though she were the spawn of Satan himself.
Almost immediately Mitchie felt whatever little bit of self confidence she’d had evaporate into air. She’d never been the center of attention to anyone besides her parents and now she was in the middle of something she didn’t want to be. And it had all started with her stupid lying. All she’d wanted to do was fit in and now everyone, aside from Caitlyn hated her. It hurt. No, it more than hurt, it crushed her to think that she’d done this to herself. But what really tore her up was thinking about Shane and then noticing he wasn’t here. He probably couldn’t stand to be in the same room with her after yesterday and Mitchie didn’t blame him.
“What a joke,” Tess’ voice rang through her ears and Mitchie found herself fighting back the tears as she averted her gaze from anyone around her and quickly searched for someplace to sit, away from everyone else. She quickly found herself heading over to the corner of the room and sitting down, bringing her knees up to her chest. She refused to look up, she didn’t need to see anyone staring at her right now. At least she could be thankful that Shane wasn’t there yet. Maybe she’d get lucky and he’d skip teaching today, it would certainly make her life a hell of a lot easier.
She didn’t know if she was ready to see him, ready to see the hatred that was bound to be in his eyes. Seeing the look in everyone else’s eyes had been hard but seeing it in Shane’s would be downright heartbreaking. Why you ask? Well, in the course of crying and talking the previous night she’d searched her mind and heart to find out why Shane’s reaction had affected her so much. The answer to that internal question became apparent at about one in the morning, she had feelings for Shane Grey. Not Shane Grey the Pop Star, but the Shane she knew, the normal one who actually had a heart.
She wanted to smile at the thought, to everyone else Shane Grey was a jerky Pop Star but to her he was different. She saw the way he cared about this camp and how he had come to care about the kids in it. He helped people who had issues dancing instead of laughing at them like Tess did. He actually talked to people as a normal person, and most importantly she knew he had a heart through his music. Not the cookie cutter Pop Star music the label made him sing, but through the music he’d written while being here. When he’d played for her Mitchie had seen the real Shane and that had convinced her that he was different, that he had a heart, and right then and there he’d started creeping into hers.
She picked at her sweat pants as she thought, needing a distraction from them. She didn’t want to think of him, she knew that it would be best to just forget about the feelings she had for him. But she couldn’t because he was the first guy to ever make her feel like he had. He was the first guy to ever truly make her think of being something more than just a friend. She needed to think about him and yet she didn’t want to. It was a strange dilemma, she didn’t want, she needed him and it scared her.
She jumped out of her inner musings at the sound of the cabin door slamming against the wood. She looked up, hoping that maybe everyone had left but of course she couldn’t get that lucky. As a matter of fact, the very second she looked at the door she felt her breathing literally stop. Standing in the entrance to the cabin was the very person she’d just been thinking about, Shane Grey was there and looking directly at her.
Mitchie found herself wanting to look away, but she couldn’t, his eyes were too entrancing and it seemed like he was having the same reaction to seeing her as she was too seeing him. ‘Good,’ she thought. ‘At least he can see some of what I’m going through.’ Her heart jumped as he just stared at her and her first thought was to just run right up to him and explain everything. He hadn’t even tried to listen to her last night; maybe she could make him listen to her now. But doing that would require getting the courage to actually talk to him and she couldn’t do that. Last night he’d made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.
So she thought of running, just getting up and tearing out of the cabin without a second thought. But doing that would only draw more attention to herself and she didn’t need that right now. Not to mention the fact that Caitlyn would probably inflict bodily harm upon her if she did it. Mitchie resigned herself to staying in class. She’d play the part of a student; Shane would hopefully play the part of teacher and then they could part ways. She’d stay in the back of the class and pray that nothing happened in this time to screw things up any more than they already were. And then something very bad happened; Shane started talking to the class instead of just teaching.
“Take a seat everyone.” She listened to his voice and her heart stopped beating for a moment. He still sounded as amazing as ever, and then her heart sank as he looked away from her and towards everyone else. He really had to hate her now; he wasn’t even acknowledging her presence anymore. This was bad, and what made it even worse was that she was latched onto his words and his very presence in the room.
“Now, I know you’re all excited about Final Jam.” Mitchie scoffed at that thought, sure everyone who had something to do was excited. But not her, she had nothing even thought Caitlyn had tried to convince her that it wasn’t too late to figure out a solo act last night. She probably could but who would want to when the entire camp hated you? Mitchie certainly didn’t want to risk getting booed.
Her heart lurched as she continued to listen to Shane talk about music and how it doesn’t matter about the image you give off. Oh if only he would listen to her explain then everything would be fine. She watched him talk, met his gaze and immediately regretted doing it. Looking into his eyes hurt, looking at him hurt because now all she wanted, no, all she needed to do was go and wipe the pain away from his chocolate orbs. She hated that she’d put it there, she hated that she’d caused him pain, she hated that she needed to stay here and endure this because of him.
She felt the tears in her eyes, saw the look of shock in his own and then his last words did her in. ‘Your music has to be representation of who you are.’
Her breathing stopped again and this time when the tears threatened to fall, she didn’t hold them back. She just herself cry in the back of the cabin, while Shane was watching and looking pained himself. She couldn’t take this anymore, she had to get out of here, no matter how much she needed to be near him, how much she needed to see him, she needed to get out of here even more than that. Her heart and mind just couldn’t take this anymore, she needed space, she needed to cry, she needed Shane and she hated that she couldn’t have what she needed.
So before anyone could do anything to stop her, she was off, bolting out of the cabin and down the stairs. She had no idea where she should go, she just ran, letting the tears fall until she found herself at the dock, their dock. She would have laughed if she weren’t so miserable; it seemed that fate liked laughing at her by turning everything that she’d once held dear into something horrible.
Mitchie wanted to run more, she wanted to go somewhere else and cry instead of tainting this place with her misery. But she couldn’t move her legs, she didn’t want too. All she wanted, no all she needed was Shane and he was nowhere to be found. So she did the only thing her body and heart would let her; she sank down onto the dock. She was falling to pieces and nothing could be done to stop her, so she just brought her legs up to her chest and held put her head on her knees.
She started rocking back and forth, wanting to stop herself, needing to hold herself together, but finding that goal to be near impossible. She hated crying like this, she hated needing to be with someone so much, just needing in general. Mitchie had always been a fairly independent person and now she was just, someone who needed, desperately needed. She didn’t even need him to like her; she just needed to explain herself to him.
Mitchie never noticed anyone coming up behind her; she didn’t notice anyone sitting down beside her. She only noticed their presence when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She jumped at the feeling and immediately turned her gaze towards the feeling, thinking that it was Caitlyn coming to rescue her. But to her complete shock it wasn’t Caitlyn at all, it was Shane, looking about as broken as she felt.
She felt herself stop breathing as she looked into his eyes, both unsure of what to do. She honestly hadn’t expected him to come looking for her and it was throwing her for a loop. Mitchie didn’t know what to do right now. She wanted to stop crying and get up and run again but that was impossible. She knew Shane well enough to know that he wouldn’t let her do anything like that right now. So she settled on staring at him as she thought about what she could possibly do right now.
This was different, it was new, and then something changed in the way Shane’s eyes met her. She saw the want, the need there, and she was sure it matched her own and she decided to do something before she could back out. She needed to be held right now, she needed Shane to hold her, so she just launched herself into his arms and buried her face against his chest. She started saying something but knew it was pointless right now, she was crying far too much for him to be able to understand anything right now.
If the situation weren’t so hopeless she might have laughed at the way Shane’s body tensed up at her sudden movement. She was sure that this was something he’d never had to deal with before but she needed it right now. She needed to be near him, she needed to be held by him. She just needed.
“Shane..so..sorry, didn’t mean to…sorry,” she gasped out as she tried to stop herself from crying so much. She didn’t want to be a blubbering mess right now. Not when she finally had a chance to explain herself, something she’d needed since last night. This had been exactly what she’d needed and she had the chance now, she had to stop crying if she ever wanted him to understand. But she just couldn’t, too many emotions were running together within her right now and bubbling over in tears. She wanted to stop but she needed to cry. It was an odd predicament that she just couldn’t get herself out of, and she could only pray that Shane wouldn’t push her away because she was sure she’d literally fall to pieces if he did.
But what happened next completely and utterly shocked Mitchie Torres to no end. Shane Grey literally put his arms around her shaking body and held her to him. She had no idea why he was doing it but she was so grateful that he seemed to get what she needed and almost instantly she was crying even more. She didn’t know how long they’d stayed like that, she didn’t even know how she’d ended up in his lap. All Mitchie did know was that Shane was just letting her cry her heart out and holding her, his head resting on top of her head as she just curled into his embrace and sobbed. Occasionally she would feel his hands move against her back when she had issues breathing properly. She’d feel his chest vibrating if he began humming in an attempt to calm her down and it was exactly what she needed.
She decided that she had to talk to him and now. She’d never have this opportunity or this alone time with him again. If Mitchie wanted to explain herself she had to do it now. She needed to do it before something else happened. She could do this. She had to this. She needed to this.
“I’m so sorry,” she mumbled out, wanting to say more but finding that she still couldn’t get the words out. Crying was still happening, but thankfully she’d managed to stop the gut wrenching sobs. He kissed the top of her head and she felt her breathing stop, had he really just done that? Apparently so because she felt her spirits lift considerably at the feel of his lips against her hair. The small gesture of comfort made her heart soar, and made the shaking finally stop. It gave her just the right amount of courage to do what she had to, what she needed to. Mitchie was going to explain, she needed to do it for both of their sakes.
She took a breath and tentatively took one of her hands and brought it up to his cheek, if she was going to do this, he had to know that she was ready. He surprised her when he leaned into her touch and she closed her eyes for a brief few moments, reveling in the feeling of their skin meeting before bringing his gaze down to meet hers. He looked so worried, so concerned and that gave her strength to go on. Just knowing that he cared for these few moments gave her what she needed to talk. To explain. To get what she needed, and to hopefully give them both something they both desperately desired.
“Shane..I-I…it…I didn’t meant to hurt you,” she said softly, an odd determination suddenly settling into her mind. She could do this. She had to. She needed to.
“Mitch-” he began only to be shushed by her. She couldn’t have him interrupt her. If he did, she wouldn’t be able to do this at all. She had to do this. It was now or never.
“Please, don’t say anything yet. I…this…it needs to be said before I lose the courage to say it,” she silently requested, pleading with her eyes. She watched as he thought about it and let out a breath she’d been holding in when he just nodded and relaxed behind her.
“Go on,” she heard him say, an attempt to encourage her. And it did, it gave her a boost when she needed it. But that didn’t mean that she was ready to look at him yet. So she focused her gaze on the rippling water, taking a breath before beginning her tale. The one she needed him to hear, needed him to understand, the one she just needed to tell.
“I’ve never been a liar,” she admitted, the words ringing truly throughout her head and heart. “I don’t even like lying. I think it’s wrong and stupid and now I hate it even more than I did before this whole mess happened,” she began, taking another breath before continuing. “But I lied to fit in. I’ve never been a part of the “in” crowd. Heck, I’m not even apart of the out crowd at my school. I have exactly one friend and no one ever seems to want to change that quota.” Her voice cracked at the end of that as she remembered the hellish time she had in school, being made fun of, being ignored. All of the neglect and hurt came rushing back and suddenly she didn’t want to continue on anymore. This hurt to talk about. This hurt to feel. But the very second Shane’s hand moved against her arm she knew she had to keep going. To understand her lie he had to understand where it had come from. She had to hurt to make it better.
“So, when I came here, I thought it would be different. I thought I’d get to be the real me. I thought that people would accept me for me and actually want to be my friend-”
“Mitchie, people do like you for-” His interruption brought a very small smile to her face. She should have known that he wouldn’t be able to keep quiet for that long and she wanted to hear what he had to say. But she couldn’t. Him interrupting would be a very bad thing.
“Shush, I asked you to be quiet,” she replied, looking back up at him, trying to quiet him with her eyes. “And I know that. Caitlyn reminded me of that constantly last night thank you very much. But when I got here and saw how talented everyone is, how much everyone had, I freaked myself out. So I lied to Tess because I wanted to be someone here. I wanted to know what it felt like to be popular,” she paused to take another breath and let her gaze wander back out to the lake, unable to look into his all too entrancing eyes anymore.
“So I made up that stupid lie about my mother, and somehow it got spread all around Camp. It even reached your Pop Star ears before I could stop it. And for once, people seemed to like me, they wanted to hang out with me, wanted to talk to me, so I let it keep going. I should have ended it, but I liked being a part of a group, but along the way I lost myself.” She felt tears running down her cheeks at the last words, it was all too true. She’d lost herself to being Tess’ lackey and she hated herself for it. Only three people knew the real Mitchie and it hurt to think about it. She’d stopped talking again and tried to regain her emotions, surprised when she felt Shane’s hand cupping her cheek and wiping away the tears with his thumb. She breathed and cuddled into his embrace, once again reveling in the way their skin felt together, it was like magic, a spark that just increased her need tenfold. Her eyes closed and she let the moment invade her senses before speaking again.
“What I said about keeping up an image was completely true, it was exhausting and it hurt because I wasn’t being me except-except around three people; my mother, Caitlyn, and you,” she said softly, trying to hold it together long enough to get this out. “Caitlyn found out about my secret a while ago, but she kept it for some reason, she got to know the real me, she’s a really good person,” Mitchie mused to herself, once again being grateful for the best friend she had in Caitlyn. “And my mom is, well, she’s my mom, I don’t have to pretend around her at all. So, that leaves you Mr. Pop Star. I was always me around you.”
She stared right into his eyes there, trying to convince him that what she was saying was the absolute truth. Yes she’d lied to everyone, put on an act, but with him it had been anything but. With him she’d been herself, she’d let him see her in ways she hardly ever let her mother see anymore. She needed him to understand that, and when she looked into his eyes, she saw that he did. In fact she saw happiness there and she felt hope. She wanted to just stop talking right then and there but she couldn’t. There was still more that had to be said. She wasn’t done with him yet.
“I never acted like someone I wasn’t. I was always just plain old Mitchie with you because you were plain old Shane with me. I liked that about us. I still do. I loved the fact that we could be ourselves and we both seemed to like it. And I know that it was wrong of my not to tell you, but it never seemed to matter with us. You only brought it up once in the canoe and well, you know what happened after that,” she spoke softly, leaning against his strong embrace as his arms tightened around her. She loved being in his arms and if she never got the chance to do it again, she was going to cherish this moment with him.
“I was crushed last night, not because my secret got revealed, not because my ‘cushy’ existence in this camp was over, but because of the way you reacted. The look in your eyes, the words you said, they killed me inside.” Mitchie’s voice cracked again and once again the tears began to build as the memories kicked into overdrive within her. Shane’s hands were already rubbing her arms, trying to calm her down, and it did help her to finish what she had to say. “I-I need you to k-know that I n-never ever meant to hurt you Shane. That I didn’t want to know you because you’re Shane Grey the Pop Star, I wanted to know you because you were Shane Grey, an incredibly talented, nice guy that gave me the time of day.”
She sighed in relief as she finished, but it was a bittersweet ending because now she had to leave Shane’s arms. She wouldn’t subject him to anymore of her today; she’d probably given him a lot to think about anyway. So she leaned into him once more, wanting to imprint the feeling of his arms around her in her brain before she began pushing against him. But then he tightened his hold on her and she looked up at him, confusion entering her mind in waves.
“Shane?” she asked, the confusion thickening at the frown she saw on his face. ““I’m alright now. I promise. Thanks for hearing me out. I’ll leave now.” Mitchie tried once more to move and once again found herself being restrained by his arms around her.
“Who said I wanted you to leave?” The question, softly coming out of his lips had Mitchie stopping dead in her actions. He didn’t want her to leave? He wanted her to stay? Well this was confusing. Really confusing.
“I thought that, well, after yesterday-”
“That was yesterday, this is now. And I have something to say. I listened to you and now you’re going to listen to me alright?” She paused for just a moment before nodding. It was the least she could do, even if all he wanted to say was mean things. She could bear it, after bearing her soul she could take anything. She settled herself against his body, leaning into him, ripples of fireworks setting off in her heart as she felt his finger trailing up her arm. When his finger settled on her face she fought with herself to keep her eyes open. It felt so good and she wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and let herself give into the sensation but she refused. If he had to say something she was going to listen to him as attentively as he had her.
“You caught my eye from that first meeting Mitchie. You weren’t just a plain old girl to me, you were beautiful, kind, and you didn’t get caught up in the Pop Star persona that everyone else was doing. You didn’t take any of my crap and you challenged me when you were around. I liked that. I liked that a lot,” he said, pausing only to breath. “I think it all started that first day, me feelings. You hooked me with your personality, and then clinched it with your laugh. I thought it was the most musical sound in the world.”
“Shane..” she began, wanting to tell him so much right now. Her heart was flying, her mind was soaring. The man of her dreams was saying things that she’d only dreamed about to her. But she couldn’t, he was looking at her with a mock stern look in his eyes and she couldn’t interrupt him now.
“Shush, my turn now ok?” he teased as she just nodded and focused herself on his gaze, no matter how dangerous to her sanity that could prove to be. She owed it to him to hear him out. She could do this and not turn into a lovesick teenager. “I found myself thinking about you all the time, wanting to be with you because you helped inspire me. You helped me get myself back. And with you I could be plain old Shane Grey and you liked me. I really liked that about you,” he paused then and took a breath. “And then yesterday, yesterday crushed me. Hearing that you’d lied, it just, it killed me Mitchie. I’d opened up to you and I thought you’d betrayed me because you were faking.”
She tensed at those words, waiting for the storm to completely take off now. All the good things she’d been feeling going out the window as she felt the guilt and shame take over once again.
“But, after I stormed off yesterday I found that the only thing I could think about was you. About how much I’d liked you, about how I needed to get over you, about how I should hate you. I think I did hate you for about three minutes,” he confessed, her heart broke once more as she watched him take his gaze away from her and towards the lake. “But you know what I found out?”
“Hmm?” she asked, trying to relax against him, to show him that he could tell her and she could take it.
“That you Mitchie Torres are impossible to hate,” he answered. “Because you see by this morning I’d convinced myself to get over you, that you weren’t worth it, but the thing is, I couldn’t do it. I still found myself wanting to touch you, wanting to hold you, just wanting you in every way possible. And when you left class today, I followed because I wanted to,” he said passionately and her heart started picking up the pace yet again. Was he really saying all of this to her? Was he really telling her what was in his heart? Was he possibly forgiving her for what she’d done?
“It wasn’t because I had to, but because I wanted to make everything alright with us because I hated being mad at you,” he confessed quietly, turning his gaze back to hers. “I hated being mad at you because it hurts to be mad someone you really care about. And I really care about you.”
Everything stopped for her then, Shane Grey; her Shane Grey had really just told her that he cared about her, really cared about her in the same way that she cared about him. She was sure the world was playing a cruel joke on her at this moment. How could he care about her after what had happened yesterday? She had to know that before she could do what her heart was screaming at her to do.
“But what about my lying? And you being mad?” she asked tentatively, trying to fight back the smile that wanted to form upon hearing him chuckle at the questions.
“Silly girl, didn’t you hear what I just said? I was angry but I’m not anymore. Am I still hurt? Yes, but I’m sure that I can think of several ways in which you can make it go away,” he teased and she felt herself wanting to blush. She was sure he could think of ways and she was very sure that she could find herself wanting to participate in them if he kept looking at her with that all too intoxicating smile. “And you’ve told me the truth now, I believe you. I want to start over Mitchie because this feels too right. I don’t want to give it up.”
“Start over?” she asked, a smile beginning to form on her face. Her heart literally melted when she watched him smile and her breathing stopped when he kissed her forehead. Oh she could totally get used to this, her heart was already soaring, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d ever been this happy.
“Yep, start over. And we’re going to. As in, we’re going to head back to my cabin and talk, play twenty questions, and be with each other because I want to know everything there is to know about plain old Mitchie Torres because to me, she’s fascinating.” She felt the smile on her face grow and she nodded vigorously.
“Well I like the sound of that because I want to know all about Shane Grey too, the one I know, and not the one the world knows. I like my Shane better,” she giggled and she could’ve sworn she felt his heart jump at the sound. She liked that she had this much of an effect on Shane.
“I like the sound of that. I’ll be your Shane if you’ll be my Mitchie.” He attempted to sound alluring and she laughed and nodded. She wanted to be his Mitchie for as long as he would let her because she simply needed to be his. She needed him to be hers and it seemed like she was finally getting what she needed.
“I mean it Mitch. I want you to be mine, because I like you, because I really like you, because I think I may be falling in love with you, and more importantly because I want you to be mine.”
Her heart jumped in joy and she felt as though she could fly at this very moment. It seemed the both of them were finally getting what they wanted, what they needed.
“I want you to be mine too,” she replied softly, shyly looking away from him. “I know I’m falling in love with you. And I want the chance to be with you because I want to be with you, Shane Grey, my Shane.”
“What the lady wants, the lady gets,” he replied slowly as he leaned in, his lips hovering just inches from her own. Her breathing stopped as he hesitated for just a moment before finally lowering his lips onto her own. It was magic, literally, figuratively, everything a first kiss should be. Mitchie was sure that if she were to ever get kissed by anyone else in her lifetime that it would never compare to this moment. Shane’s lips against hers, the way they fit perfectly together, it was absolute perfection and she loved it. One because she needed it, two because he needed it just as much as she did, and three because she was finally getting what she needed, Shane Grey, the boy who had taken her heart and she didn’t want it back anytime soon.
There we have it, Mitchie’s take on what happened during ‘Wanted Feelings’. I’ve had this idea in my head ever since I started that piece so it’s nice to have it out there. Again, I promise the sequel is coming. In fact, I’m off to work on it right now. In the mean time…if you could please review I would be most appreciative.
Thank you! Have a great night all!