Mmmk if I owned
AN: Here it is, part two of “The Way I Loved You”. Thanks so much for the reviews guys. You totally make me smile.
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing
in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
~Taylor Swift, The Way I Loved You
She was shaking like a leaf in a thunderstorm as she reached the door to Shane’s apartment. What if just laughed in her face? What if he was with another girl? What if he really had moved on from what they’d had? What if, just what if he didn’t love her like she still loved him? The thought terrified her and almost had her running all the way back to her car and then straight back to her apartment, Despite all the confidence she’d gained in the past few years, when it came to Shane and doing this all of it was flying out the window. She didn’t know if she could do this, her brain was telling her to just go, that she was having a moment of insanity and to just leave. But her heart was making her stay put, it had had enough of pain, enough of being suppressed and it seemed that for the moment it was not going to be silenced. At the moment her heart was controlling her body movements. Her heart was the reason she was moving forward, the reason her shaking hand was reaching towards the door and then before she could stop anything she was knocking. Once, twice, three times, each getting louder than the next before she finally stopped and then waited with bated breath.
Nothing happened. She frowned, maybe he wasn’t home? But that was impossible she knew from Nate that the guys were on a bit of a break, just writing and gearing up to record their new album so he had to be there. Unless he was at some floozies place instead. That thought made her blood run cold at the thought of him touching another woman but before she could have a panic attack her brain was whispering words of logic into her head. It was almost four in the morning and he, like most normal people, was probably fast asleep and needed more prodding. Yes, Mitchie liked that explanation much better than the previous one and once more her shaking hand went back to the door and was knocking again.
Three more times, and this time instead of hearing nothing from within she heard a rather large crash and a loud yell come her way. She grimaced at the sound because that meant that Shane would not be in a good mood, but she didn’t care. She had to talk to him, had to try and see if maybe he still loved her and if anything, she just needed to tell him what was in her heart, what was on her mind. She just needed to, nothing else mattered.
Mitchie didn’t even get a chance to finish that thought before the door swung open to reveal a very disheveled looking Shane standing in the doorway. He was there in a pair of black sweat pants, shirtless, and barefooted with his hair sticking up in every way. He was breathtaking to Mitchie. But she barely got time to let herself notice his appearance before he started talking to her, the surprise at seeing her evident in his tone of voice.
“Mitchie?” Shane asked, sounding as though he thought this was all one big dream he was in.
“Hi,” she replied softly, looking up and meeting his gaze.
“What are you doing-is everything ok?” he asked, concern lacing through his tone. “Is there something wrong with Caitlyn? Or one of the guys? Are you hurt?”
She thought it was adorable that he cared so much but almost immediately was shaking her head to his questions. She’d come here to talk, not give him a heart attack.
“Everyone’s fine, I’m fine, but,” she paused and bit her lip then, unsure of how she should word this. “Shane can I come in?” she asked suddenly, finally realizing that they were in a hallway where they could be overheard. This would be better if a reporter or someone else didn’t overhear them.
“Y-yeah,” he replied slowly, as though realizing the exact same thought that she had just had. He stepped aside then and gestured with his arm and she slowly made her way into his apartment, stopping when she was just inside the doorway. Her eyes scanned the living room before her; there was of course a flat screen television on the wall and a couch right in front of it. There were clothes and blankets scattered about, all in all, this room was very Shane, and she wasn’t about to enter it without his permission. She heard the door closing with a soft click and a sigh coming from behind her as she felt Shane moving so that he was in front of her.
Their gazes met again as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and stared at her. For a few more seconds there was silence between them until Shane finally decided that he wanted to know exactly what had brought her here at this absurd hour.
“Mitchie..if nothing’s wrong…why are you here right now?”
She bit her lip again, she’d known that this was coming and she had to tell him. She hadn’t worked up all this courage for it to just fail now, she wouldn’t fail, she could talk to him, tell him what she wanted. If he didn’t want the same thing then it would be ok. She would survive.
“Mitchie?” His voice startled her out of her thoughts and she found that he was looking at her, worry in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she responded quietly.
“Then what are you doing here? I mean it’s almost four in the morning and we haven’t spoken since..”
“I know,” she responded softly, cutting him off and allowing her gaze to wander away form his.
“Because I missed you.”
There she’d said it, or started to say it. She couldn’t believe she’d actually done it but it was out there now. She forced her eyes back to his and saw the surprise in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something to her but she surprised herself by bringing a hand up and putting a finger to his lips. “Please, don’t say anything yet. I need to tell you this and afterwards you can kick me out or do whatever just let me talk ok? No interruptions or anything.” He glanced at her for a few minutes before finally closing his mouth and nodding in agreement. She sighed in relief and removed her fingers from his lips. Him not saying anything would make this somewhat easier.
“You know what I did tonight Shane? I went on a date,” she began slowly. She could do this, somehow. “A date with a really nice guy that Cait set me up with and he was perfectly nice. A perfect gentleman. He knew what to say, how to act but there was one problem: I couldn’t have any fun,” she said still slowly so he’d hear every word. “I couldn’t feel anything at all even though he was a really nice guy and do you want to know why?” she asked and he just shook his head in response.
“Because he wasn’t you,” she confessed. “He was a great guy. I’ve dated a couple of great guys but it never ever lasts because no one compares to you. Shane..I miss you. We may have broken up but my heart hasn’t gotten that message,” she told him and averted her gaze away from his widening eyes. She couldn’t look at him right now, not when she was laying it all on the line. “Shane I still love you, I never stopped loving you. I don’t want to not love you. I’ve been miserable even since we broke up because I just can’t let go of what we had. I still want you. I miss our screaming matches, making up, I miss kissing you in the rain. I just miss you.”
“Mitchie…” Shane began but she cut him off with a look.
“I’m not done yet and you promised,” she reminded him and his mouth closed again. “I haven’t slept properly in months because every night I think about you and about what we had. I’ve cursed your name more times than I can count but nothing works. And I know it’s because I don’t want it to work. Shane I love you, I don’t want to not love you.” She shut herself up after that and forced her eyes meet his very surprised gaze. He was looking at her as though she were crazy and really she didn’t blame him. She probably was crazy for doing this but Mitchie didn’t care, at least she’d told him, at least it was out in the open.
“Mitchie..” he started again and she felt her heart crack just slightly at his tone of voice, it sounded like pity. It meant that he didn’t feel the same way anymore. He’d moved on and wasn’t interested in rekindling the fire that she thought they could still ha\ve. She’d really come over here for nothing and her heart now felt like it was breaking all over again. She’d known it was a long shot but Mitchie had hoped for the best. She’d hoped that maybe he’d take her in his arms and tell her that it would be ok, that he still loved her. But now it just sounded like he was sorry for her. Poor Mitchie, still in holding onto her first love when he wasn’t holding onto her, god how stupid she was for coming over here, how stupid she was for believing that he’d hold onto her. She had to get out of here before she broke down in front of him. She didn’t want his pity, she wanted Shane’s love and that was obviously something she wouldn’t be getting ever again.
So she forced herself to meet his gaze and put a very fake smile on her face as she tried to hold the tears in until she got back out to her car. She couldn’t make him feel guilty about this, she had to put on an act.
“It’s ok Shane, you don’t have to say a-anything,” she stuttered the last word and cursed herself. She couldn’t be weak now, she had to be strong and then get the hell out of his apartment.
“I see that you don’t still love me. I just..I had to tell you but I’m going to leave now ok? You don’t have to say a word,” she said quickly as she turned around and moved back towards the closed door.
“Thanks for listening though,” she added when she reached her hand out for the door knob. But before she even touched it she felt Shane’s hand covering her own, stopping the movement of said hand and her body in the process as he pressed his very toned body against hers.
“Shane,” she started, attempting to keep her mind in tact. She was trying to ignore that she could feel every solid inch of his body against hers because it was only making her mind shift into a mode that it did not need to be in right now.
“It’s ok, I’m going,” she said quietly. “You don’t need to say anything and you don’t need to feel bad,” she reassured him with a shaky breath, still attempting to keep her emotions in check. She didn’t want him feeling bad about not loving her back and quickly made to move again but once more found herself stopped by his body against hers.
“Mitchie, turn around,” he softly commanded and she shook her head. “Please turn around.”
“No,” she responded softly, voice still shaking. Those emotions that she was trying to hold in were starting to get the better of her the longer she spent so close to Shane. The closer she was the more she just wanted to turn around and attach her lips to his. But she couldn’t give into her desires, couldn’t give into her emotions, Shane didn’t want her and she had to accept it.
Oh god he was whispering in her ear now, something that he knew was a weak spot with her. During the course of their relationship he’d gotten away with so many things because all he’d had to do was whisper in her ear and she’d be gone. Now was no exception, and he was using his knowledge of weak spots to gain an upper hand. “Turn around,” he murmured and she shivered at the way his breath hit her skin. “Please?” he asked and she groaned, there really was no resisting Shane when he did things like that to her, why should now be any different? So she slowly turned herself around and before she could even blink her body was pressed against the door with Shane’s body so close to hers that there was barely room to breathe separately.
“Shane?” her voice was questioning now because really she had no idea what he was doing and then her gaze met his and her mind went blank. His eyes were so intense, so serious, that she couldn’t help but be entranced and confused by what they were representing.
“Mitchie Torres you were not just trying to leave after dropping a bombshell like that on me were you?” he asked softly and she nodded in response. “Why would you try and leave?”
“Because you didn’t say anything, and when you finally did you sounded like you felt sorry for me,” she told him without hesitation. “S-so it means you don’t still love me like I love you and I just…I had to get out before…” she trailed off, swallowing hard as she once again attempted to get the tears that were threatening to surface to go away.
“Mitchie, you didn’t give me any time to process what you’d said before you tried to bolt out of here,” Shane explained softly. “I just, that was a big confession and it was one I wasn’t expecting to ever come from you,” he told her, his hand reaching out to grab her chin as her head turned away from him and gently he brought her gaze back to his. “Please don’t turn away, not when I want to see your reaction. I need you to listen for me ok?” he asked softly and she nodded, unable to do anything else. Shane seemed satisfied with her form of response after looking at her and finally he let his hand drop away from her face and moved it to her side. Before Mitchie could blink she found herself practically boxed in. Shane’s body as still pressed up against hers and his arms were on either side of her, preventing any form of escape if she so chose to try and make a run for it.
Silently she cursed him for his quick thinking because she really had been contemplating just making a run for it. But that was definitely out of the question now and she supposed that she owed Shane a chance to speak, despite what he may say.
“Talk,” she encouraged slowly, looking into his eyes and refusing to break the gaze he’d started just a moment ago.
“I’m going to,” he said with a smile. “Just trying to find the words to say.”
“Just say what you want too Shane, it’s ok, I can take it, whatever it is,” she encouraged and he frowned.
“Why do you think you have to take anything Mitchie? I mean do you really think I’m just going to break your heart?”
“Maybe,” she answered honestly. “Probably. I mean Shane it’s been six months, how can I possibly expect you to feel the same way about me as I still do about you? Just because I held on doesn’t mean you had to.”
“What if I wanted to?” he asked carefully and she felt her heart do a back flip. Could Shane really be saying what she thought he was? Was he really admitting to maybe still loving her?
“W-what?” she asked and Shane smiled.
“What if I said that I’ve been holding on too?” he asked. “That I’ve been miserable for six months and all I’ve thought about, all I’ve wanted is you and what we had back. God Mitchie I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve contemplated just running to your apartment and begging you to take me back. I just, you won’t leave my mind or heart. I’ve tried to get over you but there’s just no doing it. You took my heart Mitch..and you haven’t given it back yet.”
“I don’t want to give it back,” she said quietly. “Not when you still have mine.” She had no idea where this random burst of confidence was coming from but she was going to run with it. She could not lose Shane this time, not when he was admitting what she felt, not when she had a chance to get the love of her life back for good.
“I don’t want it back Mitchie,” he said softly, leaning down and pressing his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes for a moment and reveled in the feel of their skin touching and even let one of her dormant hands reach up to caress his cheek. She heard Shane sigh and when she opened her eyes she found that his were closed and a smile was on his face at the contact.
“Shane what do you want?” she asked softly. “Because I know what I want: I don’t want to be miserable anymore. I don’t want to dream about you every night and wake up to not have you. I don’t want to cry any more. I want you, I want to love you, to kiss you, to be so in love with you that I act absolutely insane. I want you Shane. I love you. I never stopped,” Mitchie said quietly and then his eyes slowly opened to meet hers and she saw nothing but caring there, but the love she’d known with him and then he smiled and her heart melted. A hand dropped from beside her and slowly traced up her hip and rested just below her stomach and she shivered. Even after six months, Shane knew how to make her feel absolutely tingley all over, to make her react the exact way he wanted to.
“Mitchie, I love you too,” he replied, his voice equally as soft as hers. “I never stopped and I want you. I don’t want to be lonely anymore. I don’t want to dream about having you next to me and then waking up to not having you. I don’t want to be miserable anymore. I want to love you like you deserve to be loved, I want to drive you insane in the way you drive me insane. I want to kiss you in the rain, on the beach, I just want you. I want to love you all over again Mitchie Torres but this time I’m not letting you go. Not ever. “
“Good,” she said quickly, trying to blink back the tears filling her eyes at Shane’s heartfelt confession. To know that he felt the same way about her, that he still loved her, it just made her heart swell so much. She’d never known that she could feel as much as she did about someone until Shane. He made her love him in ways that she hadn’t even known existed and she knew that without a doubt she did the same for him. They loved each other, unconditionally, and this time they’d make their love work because she refused to give him up. “I’m never giving up Shane. Not this time. We will make this work. I can’t go through another break-up like ours again. I went so insane the last time, I’ve been so miserable without you. Even with all the success, it’s meant nothing.”
“I feel the same,” he told her quickly, dropping his other arm and brining his hand to her other hip and drawing her close. Mitchie’s arms instantly wrapped around Shane’s neck and she buried her face against his chest and inhaled his scent. Old Spice and the fresh smell of a guitar; something that was uniquely Shane and all hers to inhale. “I love the life I have Mitchie, the band and the music but it meant nothing without you there to share in it,” Shane’s voice was a melodic whisper in her ear as his head settled in the crook of her neck.
“I promise we’ll make it work, we will not go insane unless it involves us kissing. Then we can go insane.” She giggled at the unspoken demand in his voice and pressed a kiss of his chest and pulled her head away from his chest at the same time he pulled away from her neck. She and Shane stared at each other for a few seconds before their heads finally tilted towards the others. Slowly, tentatively, their lips met in what could only be described as one of the most passionate kisses Mitchie had ever experienced. It was all teeth, tongue, and lips colliding with the others, bodies angling closer to the others, holding the other close as they kissed and kissed. They kept a rhythm with their kiss, peck lips, mesh tongues, pause for a short breath and then nibble at each other’s bottom lips and repeat the process.
They kept this up for a good few moments before Mitchie finally pulled away to breath properly. She took deep gulping breaths that seemed to be in time with Shane’s as he leaned his forehead against hers once more in an effort to keep contact with her. Mitchie attempted to move her legs so she could get closer to Shane but realized she couldn’t because her legs were currently wrapped around Shane’s hips. In fact, during their full on make-out session it seemed that Shane had managed to fully lift her body up and press her up against the door to his apartment. And she really didn’t mind that it had happened in the slightest as she grinned and pulled the upper half of her body closer to Shane.
“Wow,” she muttered the second she found her voice. She was still reveling in the fact that that kiss had been absolutely fantastic. It had represented exactly what she had been dreaming about since the day she and Shane had broken-up; being together, being happy, and just being in the moment together. That kiss had felt right, natural, and so animalistic that she wanted more. That was the kind of kiss that made her insane in a good way, a way she didn’t ever want to come back from.
“Wow is right,” Shane responded with a smirk. “I’ve missed you so much Mitchie. I’m sorry I didn’t come after you sooner. I’m sorry you had to come after me. I should’ve known.”
“How could you of been able t tell?” she asked quietly, running a hand through Shane’s hair. “We avoided each other like the plague and I really thought we’d be happier apart. But I was so wrong. I’m happier with you. I’m me when I’m with you.”
“You’re my light Mitchie,” Shane smiled and pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “And from here on out it’s a new beginning. Be mine again?” he asked and she nodded enthusiastically.
“Thought you’d never ask Rock Star.” He smiled at the use of his old nickname and kissed her once more. “I’m yours, forever, for always, for as long as you want me,” Mitchie said breathlessly as he pulled away.
“So forever’s good for you?” he asked.
“Perfect as long as I’m sharing it with you,” she responded and he grinned.
“Good because that’s what I’m planning on.”
And there we have it. The end of this two-shot. I quite enjoyed writing this. Feedback is always appreciated.