Disclaimer: I still don't own PR but SABAN does!
AN: This is just a short piece brought on by me obsessively listening to
The Script's new single in
If you would like, you may listen to the song on their YouTube page as you read this: http:/youtube .com/watch?v=RpvYL_lqwbg&ob=av2e
It's not necessary but it is my current inspiration and an excellent song.
"But we're going to start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine, sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while, we're smiling but we're close to tears even after all these years we still feel like we're meeting for the first time." –The Script. "For the First Time".
"We never see each other anymore and you know it. It's work, work, work for you and I and we can't…I can't do this for much longer."
She was curled up on her side on the mattress on the floor as that statement rang through her head over and over again. It had been on repeat ever since he had stormed out of the apartment they shared hours ago. He'd left her on that, angry as she had ever seen him and she had been stuck speechless by his words. Of all the things she had expected today, that hadn't been one of them, it was her first day off, her first night off in at least two months; she had planned to catch up on some sleep and then work on new mixes while Xander was at work.
He had come home earlier than expected and surprised her with plans to go
out for the night. She had declined almost immediately citing that they
couldn't afford it and she had to get ready for tomorrow night at the club. She
had expected him to be a little annoyed but hoped he would understand all the
same because going out in
It was hard but Vida had felt alright about everything until tonight. She had thought things were fine, that they both understood that this lifestyle was necessary right now but Xander had had enough. He had said he was tired of never seeing her, barely sharing the same bed as her, and then he'd just left her alone when she hadn't been able to respond. She wasn't sure if he was going to come back tonight and the thought terrified her. They had been together for four years, had fought like hell to make it work and to this place and now stupidity was tearing them apart.
She hated herself for not seeing the signs sooner, for not making more of an effort, for saying no to going out tonight. He had just wanted time with her and the more she thought about it, the more she wanted time with him too. Not seeing him had been taking its toll on her too but she hadn't said anything because work was important. She needed to keep building her profile up as a DJ to get better gigs because then it meant that Xander could quit the grocery store. It meant he could maybe just maybe focus on the book he had always wanted to write.
She had put work before them. He had put work before them when he got a second job. And that was something they had vowed never to do to each other. They had broken that promise this past month and it felt like ice in her veins as she thought about all of the petty things they had fought about, all of the ways they didn't talk anymore, about how he never even made a move to touch her in bed anymore.
She wondered how they had let it get this bad, how their relationship had turned into fleeting kisses goodbye and a rushed few words here and there without her noticing it. She wondered how long he had been keeping his feelings bottled up. She wondered if and when he would come back.
The sound of the door opening had her shooting up from her place in bed and staring as Xander came in with a bag in his hands. He turned the light on and she winced at the sudden assault on her vision as she wiped her cheeks furiously. The last thing she wanted was for him to see she had been crying. She didn't even know what she wanted right now as she watched him close the door and lock all three of their locks again. It had been a precaution to make their parents feel better about the move but in all reality their wands were at the ready if need be.
He put his keys on the hook next to hers and she watched his shoulders heave once before he turned to look at her. He said nothing and that made her nervous because her Xander always had something to say. The one before her looked tired and older than he should be. She hated it.
"Hi," she said finally as she brought her knees up to her chest. She was in one of his t-shirts which made it easy to cover her legs with the excess fabric.
"Hi," he responded quietly.
"Where did you go?" she asked. "I was….I got worried."
"Bar down the street," he replied. "Had a drink there and then I just…walked. Needed to clear my head."
"Right," she said and once more there was silence. She had no idea what to say to him right now, didn't know if there was anything they could do to make this better.
"This is stupid," he muttered after a minute and her heart broke for a minute before he approached her. As he knelt down on the mattress in front of her, his bag got placed to the side. He stared at her critically for a moment before he leaned in and pressed his forehead to hers. Something inside of her broke at the intimate gesture as her hands came up to cradle his handsome face. She tried to smile at him even though she was on the verge of tears but failed miserably.
"I don't know what to say," she said quietly and he just shook his head and proceeded to press his lips to hers. Her mouth opened in surprise at the action and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into the heat there. She moaned when she tasted the faint traces of jack on his tongue and let him pull her into his lap.
"Neither do I," he breathed as he tried to smile. She traced her thumbs against the dark circles under his eyes.
"When did we turn into this?" she asked him. "I just….I didn't notice until you left and…when did talking turn into fighting? Why did you let me put work first?"
"To be fair I put work first too," he added. "I just…I had a day off two weeks ago and I started thinking….I never see you anymore, we never talk, and we barely even kiss these days. I hate it."
"This entire situation is messed up," she mumbled and he nodded.
"I miss you V," he murmured. "And I got angry that you didn't seem to notice or care about what I was seeing. I knew this was going to be hard when we made the decision to move but…
"I'm sorry, so sorry," she told him. "I didn't….I don't know how I didn't notice and I'm blind and then you left and….please don't leave me. Please we can make it work. I know we've had hard times but….we can make it work. I can't lose you."
She felt eyes pricking with tears and she tried to blink them away. She had loved before Xander but never as deeply and as completely with him. She'd never given so much of herself to one person and gotten so much in return. Life without Xander seemed like it would nearly kill her, they had always been meant for each other. It just took saving the world together to get to this point.
"I can't," she whispered as she looked at him, felt his hands come up and grasp her own. He pulled her hands away from his cheeks and pressed their palms together. She startled at the contact, and closed her eyes as she felt him feed some of his earth magic into her, pressed some of the air back into him. It was perfection this connection, one that told her that they belonged together because their powers mingled like this. It was like meeting for the first time all over again.
"Don't give up on me yet," she insisted.
"You're not losing me," he whispered. "I can't see life without you love. Earlier was….I needed to get out for a bit and…these times right now are crazy but….I will never give up on you babe. We just…let's get back to basics eh?"
"What? Xander?" she asked as he pulled one of his hands away from hers and reached into the paper bag he'd set off earlier. She was confused at first but when she saw him bring out a bottle of what had to be old and cheap win. Memories of drinking the stuff during their first month in this apartment, making love and talking all night, of laughter and whispered declarations crowded her vision as he smiled at her, real and genuine this time.
He uncorked the top and handed it to her. She took it and brought the top to her lips and drank, they never used cups because it mean having to do dishes. It was red and sweet as it slid down her throat and she delighted in the way Xander's eyes darkened at the gesture as she handed the bottle to him.
"Back to basics," she mused as he nodded.
"No giving up, just…starting over?" he suggested and she nodded.
"I'm so sorry," she kissed him again and he responded as he held the bottle to her lips.
"Shhh, we're…considering this the first time we're meeting in a long time," he murmured as he watched her drink and then drank himself.
"Tell me about your day?" she requested shyly.
"These times are hard, they're making us crazy, don't give up on me baby"- The Script, "For the First Time".
AN: Thanks for reading, feedback is always appreciated!